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How to Build and Maintain a Positive Self-Esteem

“If only I had worn a better outfit, the presentation would have been different”, “If only I had studied harder, I would have gotten an ‘ A’ instead of a ‘B’”, “If only I had tried more, I would have gotten the promotion”… Just how many times in a day do we have those countless thoughts running through our mind? A lot of people have little to no belief in themselves but demand that others do. The truth is, it is only when we believe in ourselves long enough that others too begin to feel the same about us.  We are our own worst critic and often give ourselves little to no room to make mistakes. It is alright to develop a force from within that drives us to achieve anything we dream and desire, but when it gets pretty out of hand and we find ourselves finding it really hard to accept the simplest of compliments from others, then we have to do something about it.

Imagine preparing for a presentation and right there you have already concluded in your mind how it will fail, how you would come tumbling down the stage, how you would speak so poorly and not be taken seriously… now fast forward to the day of the presentation, 4 out of the 10 crazy scenarios occurred and you say ‘I knew it”. It wasn’t the presentation in itself that failed but your thoughts. If you have concluded in your mind that it will fail, then you consciously or unconsciously walked on that stage as a failure and that is what everyone saw before you had even made a statement. Confidence has an aura and so does failure. It is left for you to decide which you would wear daily.

I think most of the time we procrastinate, not really because we are too busy to do or take steps towards doing something, but actually because we do not believe enough in ourselves to do, we fear that we will fail at it, we fear that it will finally be evident to the world how big a failure we really are, so we just don’t do it or better still keep pushing the day of ‘doom’ forward. But it is very important to know that failures really are not failures but lessons; the purpose of failure is for us to learn to do it better. You must strive to never let indecision get in the way. While some procrastinate, others use the excuse of “planning’ for not taking certain steps regarding their dreams and visions in life. As much as planning is important, sometimes we tend to spend so much time planning without actually doing when all we need is to just be fearless and learn; and plan along the way.

One of the ways to also help you work on second guessing yourself is identifying a mentor in that particular thing you want to do. Look for someone whose strength is your weakness. That way you would get to develop yourself; turning your weaknesses into strengths. To avoid slipping into procrastination out of fear of actually doing, create a time that works with your mentor(s) and continually present your plans and to-do list to them for the purpose of accountability. This could be done either monthly or quarterly and then go back to them to share the success or otherwise of those things, discuss what you learnt and what you would love to do differently.

You must learn to celebrate yourself more than you criticize yourself, and accept compliments from others too. When you do an exceptional job and get complimented on it, do not downplay it; tell them how much you put into that work and how you’re truly grateful that they saw and appreciate it. Those who have learnt over time to find happiness within and not without end up achieving and getting most out of life. The greatest believer you can have in yourself is yourself. It is this firm belief that spreads out to others and gives them that invisible push to believe in you, thereby supporting you.  If you do not see yourself as being valuable, nobody else will.


About the Writer: Eniola Adeniji is a woman after God’s own heart, a motivational Writer, Speaker, Fashion and Photography addict. She is also a Business Developer, Social Media Manager and the founder of Woman Of Value. She blogs at


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