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For Married Men Only


Men, to gain the respect of your wives, you’ve got to give it first. Frankly, your wife’s point of view matters, otherwise you shouldn’t even be married.

If you are going to enjoy being married – or at least, stay married – your critical success factor will be something I have coined, The Feeling Quotient.

The Feeling Quotient (FQ) is all-important to the kind of Wife Experience you give. And by Wife Experience, I mean the kind of experience your wife has being married to you. If you make your wife feel good, your Wife Experience goes up, and your ability to keep her feeling good for sustained period means you have a high FQ. However, if you make her feel bad for a sustained period, your FQ is low and probably needs a little tweaking.


Things to Tweak to Increase Your FQ and Improve Your Wife Experience

Listen to Her

The first thing you do to improve your Wife Experience is listen to her more. And there is a trick to this. We listen how we talk. Men typically listen to agree or disagree with the issues being raised in a conversation. Women, they listen not necessarily to agree or disagree but as a show of presence or empathy which makes them better at grasping and recalling even the minor details of conversations.

Your job will be listen to your wife more keenly as a show of presence than for the correctness of what she is saying. The secret passage to any woman’s heart is through your ears. Being listened to is typically the first reason why women have affairs. Emotional intimacy is about being present for your woman to pour out her soul and feel secure.

Provide your wife your ears and seriously she’ll literally bend over backwards to help improve your marriage experience in more ways than you could possibly imagine.

Hug Her More

You’ve got to hug your wife more. Hugging your wife more induces oxytocin, a hormone that strengthens bonds, solidarity and trust between lovers. Hugging has also been proven to reduce cortisol, another hormone responsible for stress and anxiety. Hug her without the motivation for sex. Do it because it makes her feel loved, secured and valuable.

In the famous words of Psychotherapist Virginia Satir:

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

Spoil Her With Consistency

Yes. Spoil her silly. Spoiling your wife starts with your being perceptive of her needs and wants. Now, there are no generics with women, so you’ve got to find out what your wife likes and enjoys. Maybe you need to tell her thank you more often; give her a massage; buy her a new car; send her flowers with a love note to her workplace; or pay for that professional exam she’s been talking about. And maybe you need to send her to the spa, or on a shopping vacation to Dubai. Whatever she likes, you’ve got to anticipate it and spoil her with it consistently. Spoiling her consistently sends a message of your thoughtfulness and what awesome feelings this creates in her heart.

Seriously, you don’t have to break the bank to spoil her. Just be thoughtful enough to anticipate her need for a purse and buy it for her.

The Ultimate Wife Experience is a woman feeling loved, secure, valuable and indebted – in a good way. One woman I met last week, who has been married for 17 years, said to me:

“I feel so loved by my husband that I have no other focus than to pursue his happiness.”

You can guess my thoughts, that woman was now indebted because her husband had made her feel loved, secure and valuable.

And so can you.



Follow Nehi on Twitter @NehiWrites


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Nehikhare Omotayo Igbinijesu is an Economist, Poet, and Social Entrepreneur. 'He is the author of The Code: A Simple Story About Raising Great Women' and 'Marriage: 12 Questions You Need To Ask Before You Say, “I Do”'. He lives in Lagos with his wife, Akudo and two sons. He is Co-founder of, a motivational resources company based in Lagos. You can email him via nehijesu [at]

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