Once upon a time, I couldn’t understand this at all.
If you’re going into a marriage – a union where your spouse is naturally looking forward to an active, fulfilling AND exclusive sex life – does it not make sense to marry someone you’re physically attracted to? And even if you are willing to live without that yourself, what reasons could there be to subject someone else to a marriage without mutually satisfying physical intimacy?
It’s true that marriage isn’t all about sex, but sex is a huge part of it. And yes, it’s important to marry a nice, kind, decent man, but why would you marry him if you feel no physical attraction?
It turns out there are many reasons why people make that decision. I’ve been asking people who have found themselves in marriages without physical passion, and this is what they had to say:
1. We shared the same faith and we connected spiritually, which was important to me. I thought physical attraction would grow with time.
2. I was getting older and I just needed to get married.
3. There was nobody else around and the loneliness was getting more and more difficult to bear.
4. I didn’t realize how hard having regular sex without physical attraction would be.
5. I was fond of him and thought that would suffice.
6. I just wanted to marry, and although I knew it would be tough for me to enjoy the marriage, I thought he would be okay with a wife who just liked and respected him so I was ready to sacrifice my own fulfillment.
7. Women in my family reach menopause early. I just wanted to have kids while I still could.
8. His family totally adored and doted on me; I could do no wrong in their eyes and it kind of felt like being surrounded by such affection would make up for everything else.
9. I entered the relationship out of boredom but he was really crazy about me so when marriage came up I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint him. He would have been shattered.
10. I needed financial security more than anything else at the time, and he was able and ready to provide that so I hoped things would work themselves out somehow.
11. The belief that a woman should marry who loves her. It seemed silly at the time to turn down a man who really seemed to be really in love with me and pursued me so wholeheartedly, just because he didn’t light that fire within.
12. The parental pressure was hellish and I couldn’t move out of the house. Marriage was the only way out.
What do you think? Do any of these reasons resonate with you? Are you or someone you know considering marrying someone they’re not physically attracted to? Do leave a comment.