Did you know that it is possible to get addicted to another human being? I didn’t know that myself until a few weeks ago when I was in counseling with a friend. He narrated his ordeal with his girlfriend and even though her behavior was abusive, he would not leave her. That’s when it occurred to me, that this is simply, human addiction. Nigerians often refer to this as being someone’s mugu or mumu, and most people have either been in this position or know someone who has.
There are things no one should ever be subjected to in a relationship, especially when there isn’t any marital commitment. What is even more shocking is that most people, like my friend, make excuses for such situations. Even though my friend was in pains, he didn’t mind returning to this relationship. Why was he acting spellbound? I wondered. How could he want to stay with a girl who consistently cheated on him? But after a while, it hit me, I’ve also been there!
Way before I got married, I had a couple of relationships, most of which were very abusive. Once I was seemingly in love with a man who would sleep with me and throw me out of his room immediately after. I had never thought it possible, with all my knowledge, to be maltreated as such. Right after, I would give myself pep talks and then make proclamations that I would never go back. I would then decide to give him a piece of my mind if he ever reached out. But once he called, I would pick up on the first ring because I was scared he wouldn’t call back a second time. Again, he would have me back with no resistance whatsoever. I felt helpless; I knew I deserved better but I kept going back. He didn’t buy me things or give me money so it wasn’t about that, I just couldn’t resist him.
It was while talking to my friend that I realized I had been addicted to this fellow. The reason was simply that I was lonely and vulnerable and he gave me what I thought was light at the end of the tunnel. As I listened to my friend unburden on me, I was looking at my life in retrospect and I realized that I had gone through all that so that I could help other mumus as I once was.
I began to research on addictions, drugs, sex and alcohol addictions and I could not believe the similarities with my new discovery called human addiction. Alcoholics and drug addicts depend on substances and in the case of human addiction – the person in question. They’re obsessed and can’t stop despite health decline, in our case study, psychological decline. There’s denial, secrecy (the addicted person would not want friends and family to know the stupid things they’ve done for that person or even admit that they’re capable of such stupidity), and the similarities go on and on.
The good news is, if you’re in such a situation, now you know what the issue could be and you can overcome it like I did. Thank God people don’t look like what they’ve been through. I’ve also helped people and currently helping someone come out of it.
If you’re not too proud to admit it to yourself that the abusive relationship you know you’re in could be a case of an addiction then you’re one step away from coming out. Get help from a trained expert who can help you out of that bondage before it destroys your self-esteem or even worse, ruins your life. Any addiction can lead to a severe case of depression and suicidal decencies.