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3 Ways You’re Starving Your Marriage

Do you feel like there’s more to married life than what you’re currently experiencing? Are you stuck in a rut and wondering how to get out? Before you start thinking of sex tips and tricks to spice things up, remember that it’s not sex that makes your relationship great. The quality of your relationship determines how fulfilling and satisfying the sex will be. So before you start looking for that kind of spice, consider three ways you might be starving your marriage:

1. Not enough time together:

In theory, we know that spending time together is essential for marriage to thrive. Yet in reality, we allow everything from work and social media to traffic and childcare get in the way of being together. The truth is that it won’t happen on its own. You need to make it happen. With clients to meet, presentations to make, reports to write, homework to do and a house to keep, it takes deliberate effort and sacrifice to create time to enjoy meals together, play games together, have deep discussions, laugh at funny videos together, or even exercise together. Yet, starving your relationship of quality time will cost you more in the long run. You really can’t afford it. Quality time can fuel your love and affection even if it’s not your love language. Men have even been known to win over women who initially didn’t want them, simply by finding ways to spend time with her.

2. Not enough time with others:

Being best friends with your spouse is beautiful. However, relying on them for all of the love, comfort, and companionship you need can be a lot to put on one person. Rather than smother each other, you can maintain a healthy balance by spending some time apart; this infuses newness into the time you do spend together. Enjoying life with others — older, younger, single, married — can enrich your marriage. This is especially true of time spent with other like-minded couples who are as committed to their marriage as you are, or aim to be. Whether it’s double dates with another couple, or plugging into a couples’ group in your church, you’ll have fun, inspire and encourage others, learn things you didn’t know, and find that your determination to cherish and protect what you share is renewed.

3. Not touching enough:

Touching each other only in the bedroom is one sure way to deprive your marriage of nourishment that it needs to blossom. Touching creates a bond that nothing else comes close to. That’s why mothers are encouraged to cuddle and snuggle their newborns as soon as they can. Just a hand on the shoulder, a pat on the back, or a hand on the leg, can create an instant feeling of closeness and affection. From touching hair, linking fingers and sitting close to each other, to hugs, kisses and back rubs, there are many ways to create emotional closeness through the power of touch.

A wise man once said, “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out.” Your marriage is one place where this should never be allowed to happen. Live fully, and love fully.

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Joy Ehonwa

Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at]

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