Is Marriage Overrated?
Responses always vary to this question. I believe this is largely because a great marriage is one of the BEST things that can happen to a person, and a bad marriage is one of the WORST things that can happen to a person.
It makes sense, then, that some decide not to go into it at all. Even the Apostle Paul said,
“Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:28
However, for those who do decide to marry, it’s best to go into it with eyes wide open and expectations well managed.
As with everything in life, there will be great times, and not-so-great times.
This person who is your sun and moon will disappoint you. This is inevitable. They will let you down, and the more of your “everything’ they were, the more devastating it will be. The good thing is, if it doesn’t break you, it will make you a more solid, more grounded, and more authentic partner.
You’ll become way judgmental, if not more understanding, when it comes to other people’s marriages. Those choices that were hard to understand (How could she do that?!) will suddenly become easier, because now you’re married and you know that it’s not a walk in the park. Like I often say, your turned up nose will turn right down and you will not only get off your high horse, the horse will be set ablaze.
You will learn that there is no one way to do marriage, and you’ll work your own way out with your partner no matter how different it is from “society’s” ideal; no apologies to anyone.
Sometimes you will feel lost in your own life. There will be days when you don’t even feel married, especially before the children come. And from time to time you’ll miss being single. Does this mean you’re not marriage material, or that you’re unhappy? No. It’s just normal.
You won’t be the perfect husband or wife, and you’ll eventually make peace with not being the perfect couple you thought you would be. We’re all flawed, and marriage doesn’t fix anything, so the perfect marriage actually does not exist.
If you decide to have children, you’ll quickly find that it comes with so many responsibilities that just suck you in, especially as a mother. You’ll realize that fulfilling purpose and making your mark in the world will be harder because of this so you’ll need to be more deliberate. You’ll understand why such a fuss has been made about “leaning in”.
Is it all bad? Not at all! In fact, there will be moments when it’s so good that you’ll wonder what all the “bad talk” about marriage was about. It’s at times like this that you’ll want to manage your expectations the most, because the sweeter the good times, the worse the bad times will feel.
Marriage is beautiful and it comes with a certain deliciousness that cannot be found anywhere else. That’s why when it is found in a friendship or dating relationship, you’ll hear them say they “feel married”.
You have a companion, someone to go through life with, which is a special kind of “not aloneness”. You’re part of a team and you have your own personal person to share burdens and joys with, a whole human being in your corner. You have a lover who knows your body and soul like no other. You have a shoulder to cry on, hands committed to cheering you on, and a part of your own heart celebrate with. You have alternative income and financial support, along with the joys of building wealth together. You’ll have someone who will face life with you, and with them by your side you feel you can conquer anything.
Of course, this isn’t true for everyone. All of these wonderful things depend on the person that you are, and the person you choose to marry. Which is why I cannot say this enough: being single and free to choose is a powerful thing. Don’t take anything for granted.
Featured Image Source: MTMTV