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Why Closure is Important in Ending Relationships

Think about all the people you have refused to give closure in your past relationships, whether romantic or not. Think about all sad endings which you have run away from – shirking the responsibility of guilt or owning up to being a jerk. Reflect, think about those you have ghosted on; refusing to give them a bold reason why things went sour between you two. If there are none, perhaps you could have been a victim of someone leaving you unceremoniously in the past.

A business contract is somewhat easier to end with reasonable closures, so also is a matrimonial contract. In this case, two or more people must have agreed to part ways on matters of principle connected to their terms of a contract. Business partners will end a contract if they can no longer forge ahead based on earlier agreed terms. Estranged spouses will agree to a negotiated divorce terms eventually, once one of the partners discover that the other is very serious about the split.

But in whirlwind romances where there were no rules of engagement, one common feature is the manner lovers tend to split as abruptly as they came together. The other bad taste which these type of romances leave in lover’s mouth is that they often tend to just drift away, once there is a clog in the romantic wheel. It may stem just from dissatisfaction from one of the partners and that will be the end of that chapter.

The absence of closure could be so devastating for the partner who is more invested in the relationship that it could easily evolve into psychological torture as a result. The grief which follows a normal breakup may not even be as torturing as a drift-away which provides no explanation. Seeking closure can be likened to looking for something to hold on to temporarily while grief rolls away gradually. With a closure, a lover will basically remind his/her raging mind that it is over between him/her and the partner.

That bad situation in a no-closure breakup is usually one that involves a one-sided breakup where the person dissolving the relationship has not acted kindly, decently, or even humanely in the aftermath. In an attempt to dodge responsibility and guilt, s/he refuses to give a former partner closure, causing the rejected party tremendous pain and distress.

When someone is rejected with no honest answers about why a relationship ended, they are left depleted of their dignity. You do not even know if the problem was you and whether you need to improve on a causative shortcoming or not. The confusion which ensues after such breakup is the reason why seeking closure has been somewhat in high demand the average romantic.

Emotionally abusive and manipulative people would naturally be guilty of withholding closure from those who desperately need it. As if initiating the drift away from a relationship is not enough, they might even begin to avoid direct communication with their estranged lover who keeps pressing for information and feedback. Perhaps ex-lovers who are not the seekers of closure tend to view cutting off communication and engagement entirely as the best approach to ‘teach the stubborn partner a lesson’ in humility.

Whether this manoeuvring is absolutely right or wrong with respect to the feelings of the parties in a relationship will continue to be controversial. Seeing that the substance of relationships is fast eroded by toxic non-fashionable exits through the back door calls for a quick end to this meanness. Individuals who leave relationships in such a manner could be unconsciously breeding a horde of emotionally unavailable lovers with toxic traits.

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Adedoyin Tella

Adedoyin is mostly a farmer in the day who also dabbles into technology at night, in search of other cutting edge intersections. He's on Twitter @i_fix_you

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