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The Soulmate Myth

Sometimes, we find ourselves in awkward relationships with partners having the belief that we are inseparable or that we may die if we break up with them. Oftentimes, this dependence on inseparability is an offshoot of the set notion that we can never do without a particular lover or partner.

A soulmate is largely and erroneously believed to be someone we vibe with, are compatible with, who synchronizes our personality with theirs, and whom we love deeply and trust. It is very true that there is a place of personality, character, ideals, love, trust and vision in an ideal relationship, but how often are people successful with these lofty attributes and requirements?

How far and wide have we travelled to have concluded that an individual is the best ever fit for us? To what extent are we open to understanding if we could actually synchronize perfectly with strangers? How many relationships have we explored and tested to see that we are currently having the best we can ever have?

The total belief in the concept of soulmates must have gained prominence with the stance of religion and astrology on the subject of destiny and how we all have someone who has been paired with us by fate. Going by this notion, the belief that we only have one true love out there, thus, became commonplace. It is often the inconsequential feeling that a partner is a perfect fit and can never ask for more which makes hitherto lovers fallout and move over to someone new.

The soulmate myth is why a great many young individuals keep fantasizing, dreaming and searching for ideal partners that they will most likely not meet. This is oftentimes frustrating and it usually leads individuals to give up the search and just hook up with people they could not even complement in the least.

While it has been noted that lovers consciously and unconsciously look for traits which complement theirs alone, and not whether theirs complement that of their ideal partners as well, knowing that one never achieves that fantasy of an ideal partner is frustrating for the young folk. Whenever this happens, there is a case of mono-directional attachment and obsession where one partner feels the other is his/her soulmate, but the other does not necessarily feel the same way.

A lot of heartbreak and post-breakup/post-divorce bitterness can surely be done away with if potential partners do not have inconsequential and unrealistic expectations of what their ideal lovers/partners should be. Lovers will feel less estranged and more importantly work things out better if they know there is no ready-made perfect partner for them out there but someone they will have to complement towards perfection. Lovers will more readily work on their own personal improvement to be desirable instead of sitting comfortably in bad character and expecting an angel. Individuals will suffer lesser anxiety and depression about situations or partners they cannot control.

In all, hopeless romantics will have a better chance of synchronizing with people they are comfortable with rather than hunting perpetually for fairy-tale romances which are a rarity. In fact, yanking away the soulmate myth from our belief will be very effective in getting over failed relationships because we will trust that there are many other people existing in the world who we can be involved with romantically or otherwise.

And if at all you still believe deeply in the notion of one soulmate for every human and/or have been lucky enough to have met your own soulmate already, you are best reminded, whenever you are in doubt, that that is just one of a couple of your soulmates existing in the different corners of the world.

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Adedoyin Tella

Adedoyin is mostly a farmer in the day who also dabbles into technology at night, in search of other cutting edge intersections. He's on Twitter @i_fix_you

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