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Above Whispers

Personal Development

Love Section: Communication Techniques That Pull Them Out Of The Shell

There is absolutely no doubt that without healthy communication, your relationship won’t last. There will be several problems emanating from the lack of necessary communication techniques to make your relationship work. The good news is; they can be learned. Just as long as you’re willing to put in the effort.

Being in a relationship can be a lot of work and the greater part of it being communication. You’ve got to be willing to talk to each other a lot. And this includes delicate issues like your need for more in bed or your lack of attention.

Sometimes the lack of communication is no fault of yours and this is because it takes two to have a conversation. But sometimes, just sometimes, one person can make it so much of a chore for the other who is trying to accomplish smooth communication.


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If your partner is really up-tight, that is most likely going to be a real problem. Here are some communication techniques you can use to finally get them to ease up and talk about their issues.

1. Don’t accuse. Ever

Going into a discussion with this kind of attitude, will very quickly escalate things and likely end up as a fight. Anyone who is arguing is likely to feel attacked. Making your partner feel attacked every time you want to work something out, will immediately get them on the defensive and lead your conversation nowhere. Stay calm and you’ll have a much better conversation.

2. How you feel is the way to start

If you start the conversation with how you feel, you will most likely immediately get their attention. Make the mistake of starting with their faults and the conversation is as good as over. You lose their attention immediately.

If, however, you talk about how upset or hurt you are, they’ll want to listen to why. And this is pretty simple because they care about your happiness, and if something is getting in the way of that, they’ll want to know what it is.

3. Engage frequently

Develop the habit of talking to each other every single day. Talk about your day and discuss any issues you might have, mention how you’re a little unhappy about the way they reacted when you asked a question. When even the small things are discussed regularly, your partner will gradually but surely open up after a while.

4. Ask a lot of questions

Asking questions has proven to be an effective way of getting your partner who just won’t open up to you, to do so. You can start slow and easy and then ramp it up a little one question after another.

You can ask if they’re happy in your relationship and their opinion of your sex life. It’s a lot easier to get them to talk if they’re prompted first.

5. Be mindful of your tone

You can communicate your displeasures without necessarily using a harsh tone. Being calm and appearing happy will help get you an honest response from your partner and even make them talk more. Be mindful of your tone and you’ll achieve a much better result.

6. Be honest

Keep things open and honest and not lying about things just to get your partner to talk to you will make them feel the need to be the same and more willing to open up.

7. Be vulnerable

Being vulnerable in a relationship will help your partner see that it’s okay to do, so open up. This greatly helps you grow a lot closer and bond deeper as you open up to each other even more.

So it’s absolutely fine to talk about your weaknesses and fears whether it has to do with your relationship or not. You’ll be amazed how this helps them reveal to you how they really feel.

8. Be sure they understand

There are times when your partner might not understand your standpoint but they’ll agree anyways.

Asking if they understand you, gives them an opportunity to give you an honest answer. If they say no, then you also have the chance to better explain with specifics and details making sure they get it this time.


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9. Be mindful of timing

There will be times when they will be busy, running late or not in a good place to sit and discuss. If you encounter such situations, don’t try to start sensitive conversations. The mood, place and time have to be right.

10. It takes time. Remember that

If you’re not a good communicator now, it doesn’t mean you won’t ever be. You’ll have to keep at it, working on getting better every day and make sure your partner is willing to work with you too.

It won’t happen right away. It never does. Just keep this in mind and it will be alright.

Featured Image Source: Above Whispers


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Louis Anani

My name is Louis Anani and I am also known by friends as L.A Inspire. I am a digital content developer, realtor, inspirational storyteller, youth speaker and podcaster. I love to teach, council and help youngsters find a path in life when they feel empty and lost. And though solving the world’s problems is somewhat impossible, I believe doing one act of kindness to one person every day is a great start.

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